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SM Sex SafelyInformation from the STOP AIDS Project. Excerpted here (at Buddies request) with permission. The original printing and distribution of the booklet was funded exclusively by the SM community of the San Francisco Bay Area including: The AIDS Emergency Fund, A Taste of Leather, Black and Blue Tattoo, Brush Creek Media, Daddy's Bar, Differences, The Eagle Tavern, The Exiles, The 15 Association, Hole in the Wall Saloon, Mr. S. Leather, The Sling, Society of Janus and Stormy Leather. Thanks to The AIDS Committee of Tornto Safer SM Education Project and Trevor Jacques; Peter Fiske for his pivotal role in initiating hte project; Daddy Philip Turner for his support; Karen Kircher for her dedication and tenacity; Jed Herman for his patience in coordinating its production. Your donation to Stop AIDS would be most welcome. Karen Kirchner, Editor; Sam I Am, Layout and Design; CMCD and Dan Bowers, Photos; All copyrights are reserved by their owners. Provided here (and, while they last in the club in hard copy) by Buddies as a service to the leather community. Paper copies are also available hard copy from Stop AIDS. This page provides information on safer SM sex. This information is excerpted (with permission of the Stop AIDS project, the publisher) from a booklet put together with the help of medical experts and others experienced in safe, sane and consensual SM. We have used the language that we use in the playroom in order to be most clear to our target audience - people who need to know how to keep themselves and their play partners healthy while enjoying safe SM. If you might be offended by a frank discussion of sadomasochistic sexual activities, please stop reading.
Table of Contents
HIV (Back to top)HIV can be prevented. HIV is passed from one person to another when blood, semen (cum) or vaginal fluids get into the bloodstream of another. Transmission of HIV can occur through even very small cuts or broken skin anywhere on the body, rips or abrasions of the rectum or vagina, irritated gums, the mucous membranes of the urethra, even chewed cuticles. Body fluids that you don't have to worry about in terms of HIV transmission are spit, sweat, piss or shit on the outside of the body on unbroken skin. You can make any kind of sex safer by using common sense (which means you have to keep your senses about you!) and remembering these basics.
SM Risk Reduction (Back to top)SM Risk Reduction is every player's responsibility. Most SM activities are low-risk for passing HIV and other STDs but there are other safety concerns involved. Responsible SM has always meant practicing safety. Learning from an experienced player is a traditional way you can learn new techniques or types of play. The Resources List is a good place to connect with groups that offer education as well as social opportunities. More in-depth information on the scene and safety can be found in publications like On the Safe Edge: A Manual for SM Play by Trevor Jacques, et al; The Lesbian SM Safety Manual edited by Pat Califia; SM 101 by Jay Wiseman; and Learning the Ropes by Race Bannon. Information on HIV and other STDs is available from public health clinics, community AIDS organizations, San Francisco Sex Information line (415) 989-7374, and AIDS Hotline (800) 367-2437. [Buddies Note: Much is also available online via links from here.]
SM Etiquette (Back to top)SM etiquette is based on respect for yourself and the people you play with. You should discuss what you want to do, and what you will not do, and a safe word before the scene starts. A safe word or signal is used by any participant to stop the scene immediately. It can be used if either the top or bottom needs a break, or to ask a question or to end the play session now. There is no shame in using your safe word -- that is what it is there for. Along with each player's limits and feelings, safe words should be respected. If you are unsure of your ability to safely perform an SM activity, then hold off until you get more information and maybe some practice on an inanimate object. As a bottom, you need to let the top know your experience level, particularly if the activity is new to you. Doing this allows you to relax and enjoy the play, instead of worrying. Always ask before touching someone else's toy, or someone else's bottom, or breaking into someone else's scene. Indicate your interest and wait to be invited. By following the guidelines in this booklet, being aware of your own and your partner's health, and practicing safe sex, you will be making the SM community a safer place for all of us.
Lube (Back to top)Lube is necessary when inserting anything larger than a finger into the ass or cunt. A good rule on lube is, "Too much is almost enough." If you're going to insert something into someone's ass or cunt, the "something" should be covered with latex and a water-based, unscented lube. Brands like KY Jelly, Probe, Astroglide and Wet are widely available, inexpensive and safe. Never use oil-based products like Crisco, butter, Vaseline, hand lotions or creams -- they weaken latex, making condoms and gloves more likely to break. Scented or flavored condoms should only be used for blow jobs. Additional ingredients, including Nonoxynol-9 can irritate the mucous membranes of the ass and cunt. [Buddies Note: Since the SM Sex Safely booklet was last updated, research has shown that Nonoxynol-9 actually increases the risk of spreading HIV...and thus responsible condom and lube manufacturers no longer offer this option.] If you take lube from a large container, put plenty to sue for this session into a paper cup or on a paper plate, and make sure that you only "share" from a pump container. This way you can make sure that clean lube is all that you're sharing! Or buy small packets ("pillows") or pick up samples when available. In either case, use what you need with one person and throw the rest away.
Your Ass (Back to top)Your ass is more delicate than most parts of your body. Putting things, whether a finger, cock, dildo, fist or zucchini, up your ass can tear the lining. Even extremely small tears or scrapes provide a route into your bloodstream. HIV and other STDs can get in or out. Once you get past the muscle ring inside your asshole, there are no pain receptors. You cannot rely on feeling pain to signal that you are being hurt. You and your partner must use care and latex barriers to be safe. Fucking without protection is a high-risk activity -- cocks cum, fingernails scrape, fingers have paper cuts, toys aren't clean. Latex barriers must be used, and used properly. (See "Fisting" for glove guidelines.) To put on a condom: Make sure the cock is hard. For increased sensation, put a little lube on the tip. If it's uncut, pull back the foreskin first. Slide the condom on, squeezing the air out of the tip. If there's no tip, leave about a half inch of the condom empty, to hold the cum. Lubricate the outside really well (see "Lube" above), push some lube into the ass, and insert carefully at first. Pull out soon after you cum, making sure you hold on to the ring at the open end of the condom to be sure it doesn't slip off. If either partner is allergic to latex, talk to your doctor about a non-latex substitute, and don't be shy about it. For fucking with dildoes and other objects, follow the same steps, although you don't have to deal with the foreskin or space for cum. Make sure the dildo is cleaned thoroughly between uses (see "Toys") and covered with a condom. Same for vibrators. Never insert a breakable object into the ass and be sure it has a wide base. You don't want to loose it up there.
Your Cunt (Back to top)Your cunt can be easily penetrated, and can generally handle a wide variety of shapes and sizes. You do have to take care that anything that goes into it is clean, unbreakable, latex-covered and has no sharp edges. (See "Your Ass" for condom instructions and "Fisting" for glove tips.) And lube, lube, lube! Hard fucking, whether with hand, cock or toy, can feel great but bruise the cervix, so locate it first and avoid hitting it by changing the angle of penetration. Its location varies with each woman, where she is in her menstrual cycle, and how excited she is. Scrapes or tears in the lining of the vagina are a direct route to and from the bloodstream for HIV and other STDs, so latex barriers are necessary protection for both of you. Going down on a woman is low risk for HIV unless she's having her period, but can expose you to other STDs, so protect both of you: latex barriers, no sores in your mouth, don't brush or floss your teeth for a few hours before.
Rimming (Back to top)Rimming is licking someone's asshole. It is a low risk for spreading HIV, but high risk for passing STDs like herpes, anal warts, parasites and hepatitis. Use a barrier between your mouth and tongue and your partner's hole. Use a dental dam (a square of latex found in some safe-sex kits), a piece of non-microwaveable plastic wrap, a condom cut lengthwise or a glove you have cut the fingers off of. Don't rim if you've brushed or flossed your teeth within three or four hours.
Fisting (Back to top)Fisting can be done to ass or cunt, or both, so read the "Your Ass" sections if you've skipped that. If you're going to be fisting, you'll want to make sure your fingernails and cuticles are well-trimmed and smooth. Choose your gloves carefully. The right size is important; a wrinkle in a too-big glove can be excruciating in an ass and a too-small glove can cut off your circulation, rip more easily as you push, and come off as you come out. Latex and vinyl exam gloves come in sizes from extra small through extra large, powdered or not, textured or not. They are available at drugstores in boxes of 50 or 100. For most uses, they will work fine. For deeper assfisting, use a calving glove. They're available at veterinary supply stores and some leather stores. To avoid the glove bunching up in painful wrinkles, cut the fingers and thumb off but leave the base of the thumb attached. The put it on over an exam glove. In either the ass or cunt, remember to keep your hand well lubed. When coming out, remember that a vacuum has been created inside, and it will require steady, strong pulling. When pulling out, hold the cuff with your other hand so the glove doesn't slip off. Take the glove off by pulling it over itself, inside out. Be sure not to touch the lubed side with your ungloved hand. If either partner is allergic to latex, use two vinyl gloves. If you are going to be fisted, you want your ass to be as empty as possible (shit can be abrasive), but enemas can wash away the mucous that creates some natural protection. If you want to clean out your ass, do it a few hours before playing, so your rectal lining has a chance to relax and replenish itself. Relaxation is the most important element of successful fisting, so the more comfortable you fell with your partner the better. Allow plenty of time for a fisting scene. Assume that it's not going to happen the first time and communicate! The bottom, while not feeling pain past the sphincter, will feel pressure, and should let the top know. The top can let the bottom know before moving -- "A little deeper?" "I'm going to stop here for a minute." "Let me know when you want another finger." Communication, time, relaxation, trust. Immediately after you've been fisted, never let anything else that might have someone else's cum, shit or blood on it into your ass.
Enemas (Back to top)Enemas can be part of your assplay or an enjoyable activity on their own. You must never share your douche bag. Clean it and your nozzle after each use. Also, don't share the nozzles of metal shower douches. Bring your own to your friend's; get a separate nozzle for each friend. Use only your own and keep it clean!
Blow Jobs (Back to top)Blow jobs are considered a low risk activity for getting HIV. However, cum in your mouth, if you have any type of sore, after dental work or brushing or flossing your teeth, or even if you have an irritated throat, makes unprotected cock sucking riskier. Use an unlubed condom to play safe. Of course, if the cock your socking has any sore or sign of an STD, condoms are required.
Titplay (Back to top)Titplay involves no risk for getting o r passing HIV or other STDs unless your play involves broken skin. If it does, follow the advice in the "Blood Sports" section. There are other safety factors, however. Medical professionals recommend that breast bondage be left in place no longer than 15 minutes or so, depending on how tight it is, as that is the point at which tissues can begin to get damaged. There is no connection between striking tits and susceptibility to breast cancer, but if there is a history of cystic breasts or abnormal mammograms, more than light slapping is not okay.
Toys (Back to top)Toys make playtime fun, but forget everything you've ever heard about sharing! Sex toys should be used with one person and put aside until they are thoroughly cleaned before being used again. Anything that's been inside someone -- ass, cunt or mouth -- could transmit HIV and other STDs. Anything that has been in contact with blood, cum, piss or shit can also transmit HIV or other STDs. Toys that can't be cleaned completely should only be used on one person. Cleaning sex toys is easy if you always use a condom. Just remove it and most of the mess goes with it. Later, wash the toy in hot, soapy water, wipe it with an alcohol wipe, or soak it in water mixed with bleach (nine parts water to one part bleach) for at least 20 minutes. Remember to wear exam gloves while washing! Rinse well under running water, and let air dry. Other toys have different methods. Porous things like leather floggers and wooden paddles that have drawn blood should be wiped but not soaked with soap and hot water or with a disinfectant toy cleaner available a leather shops. Scrub (a hard toothbrush is good) to make sure the cleaner reaches into nooks and crannies. let sit for a few minutes, rinse and let dry overnight. Leather should be treated with a conditioner after drying; canes will periodically need to be re-varnished. Rubber and latex toys should be washed with hot, soapy water, wiped with alcohol pads, rinsed under running water and allowed to air dry. It's always a good idea when buying a toy to ask the maker or seller the best way to clean it. Metal toys are the easiest to clean. Neuro wheels, clothespins and other metal non-insertable toys can be sterilized by soaking in the bleach and water solution described above and rinsed thoroughly under running water. Metal toys that are going to be inserted into the body, such as sounds, must be autoclaved. You can get this done at a piercing shop for a small fee.
Clips and Clamps (Back to top)Clips and clamps often break the skin, intentionally or by surprise. For this reason, they should be cleaned (see "Toys") or thrown out (one of the joys of clothespins is how cheap they are!). Be prepared by having exam gloves handy, and wipe up blood with alcohol wipes. To dispense of bloody wipes, gather them in the palm of your gloved hand and pull the glove inside out, enclosing the soiled items inside. Tie the glove closed and put it in a garbage bag.
Whipping (Back to top)Whipping can also break the skin, so be ready before you start. (See "Clips and Clamps.") If you have gloves and wipes within reach, there is no reason to stop the scene when blood flows. Be aware that droplets of blood may be flicked from the ends of the toy on the back swing. This requires precautions in a crowded playspace. and of course you'll clean your toys when finished! (See "Toys.")
Blood Sports (Back to top)Blood sports include piercing and cutting. Permanent piercing is best done by a professional piercer in a shop with the right equipment and conditions. For play piercing, use new disposable needles, or "points." Use them only once, and do not recap after taking them out -- that's when you are most likely to get stuck. Put them in a sharps container when you remove them. These containers are made to safely hold used needles, scalpels, etc. They are free -- ask for one at the prescription counter of most Walgreens stores -- and when it is full, return it there. They won't question you. You can also put bloody cotton balls, alcohol wipes, globes, etc. into them for safe disposal. Cutting the skin can be down with a knife or a disposable scalpel. The blade of the knife must be cleaned, before and after, by soaking in alcohol, or bleach and water for at least 20 minutes and rinsed under running water. Disposable scalpels can be bought at most medical supply stores, are sterile, cheap and made for cutting skin. Again, do not reuse or recap, just put the whole thing in a sharps container. Shaving should be done using a new, disposable razor. If you know how to use a straight razor, clean it before and after using as you would a knife. Before piercing, cutting or shaving, the skin should be wiped with alcohol on a cotton ball or prep pad, or with a betadine swab, available at most drug stores. Allow the skin to air dry. Wear at least two pairs of gloves, because alcohol and other cleaners eat through latex and you will likely have holes in the outer ones after cleaning the skin. Just peel it off and you can continue. Afterwards, blot up any blood with sterile cotton balls or gauze pads. Gather them in the palm of your gloved hand and pull the glove off inside out, enclosing the soiled items inside. Tie the glove closed and place it in your sharps container.
Temperature Play (Back to top)Temperature play such as with cigars, cigarettes and candles can be great fun. Disease transmission can only happen if blisters or charring cause broken skin. Of course, neither is a good idea anyway -- stop at reddened skin. The safest candles are plumber's candles, unscented and untinted. These burn at the most consistent temperature. Playing with fire can be a very exciting activity, and it is one of those that you should learn from an experienced player before doing.
Water Sports (Back to top)Water sports are safe on the outside of the body, on unbroken skin. Both piss and shit can transmit STDs. Any infections the top has can be transmitted by piss, and parasites and hepatitis can caught from shit. If there are any cuts on the skin, keep piss and shit away. Remember that a zit is open skin. If you have a cold or canker sores, recent dental work, have brushed or flossed your teeth in the last few hours, oe even have severely chapped lips, having shit or piss in your mouth is high risk for STDs. Keep in mind that you can't catch anything from your own piss.
Electricity (Back to top)Electricity is a low risk activity for transmission of STDs. If you use a violet wand on broken skin, just wipe the wand off with an alcohol pad when done. Electrical contact pads, used with TENS and similar units are sticky and can't be cleaned, so you should have a pair for each partner. Throw them out if they get body fluids on them.
Drugs and Alcohol (Back to top)Poppers make your blood vessels bigger. This may increase the risk of tears while getting fucked in the ass or cunt. Poppers (amyl) are also damaging to your heart and immune system, and affect your judgment. Viagra and Levitra and Cialis work by affecting blood circulation. In combination with speed, poppers and many other prescription or recreational drugs, your circulation can be dangerously slowed. This has been fatal.
Resources List (Back to top)The Inter-Club Fund of San Francisco The Leathermen's Discussion Group
This booklet is available in the club as long as supplies last. (Back to top)Sex Health links
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